The Great Slytherin Setup
by Lady Feylene
Summary: One of Severus' friends decides to set him up with a certain Gryffindor prefect. Chaos ensues. (Mild slash)


Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, I am making no money off of this.

Warning: Mild slash ensues.

Spoilers: POA, OotP

Rating: PG

Summary: One of Severus' friends decides to try and set him up with a certain quiet, bookish Gryffindor.

The Great Slytherin Set Up

"I hate them all."

Severus Snape didn't even look up from his textbook, nor did anyone else at the table. Severus had been affirming his hate for a certain Gryffindor foursome for the past hour. 

"We know you hate them. We all hate them."

"You know Reg, that's a mortal sin."

"Shut up, Evan."

"I can defend myself, Ian."

"I *do* hate them."

A brief silence followed. Severus sighed, and closed his textbook. None of his three friends were aware as to *why* he was so eager to let them know just how much he hated them. It was, of course, another lovely little prank. They got worse and worse each year, really. Not counting the fourth year fiasco, of course. Or fifth year…

"Look, Sev, is there anything you want to talk about?" Evan Rosier-certainly Severus' best friend out of the group-folded his hands and raised his eyebrows.

"The usual." Severus snapped. "This morning, after breakfast, while the three of you were on your merry way to classes, I was waylaid by Black in a dead end corridor."

"My brother's a prick." Regulus muttered darkly.

"Cornered in a dead end passageway? Kinky…" Ian Wilkes waggled his eyebrows, and Severus groaned.

"He only wishes…" Evan snickered, and earned himself a smack on the back of the head.

"That was repulsive." Severus said, with a sneer. 

"You broke my virgin ears, Ian." Regulus complained. 

"*Anyway*!" Severus snapped. "Back to my story…he cornered me in a corridor, incinerated my Charms essay-yes, the one I spent a week working on. He then proceeded to break my vial of Rejuvenation Potion. That was an extra credit project! Of course, taunting me all the time." He didn't feel like going into detail as to the nature of the taunts. Which had stopped as soon as the other three had shown up.

"Git." Ian mumbled, pale blond head bowed over a heavy Transfiguration tome. 

"We'll get him back." Evan promised. "You think he'd learn by now."

"He never will." Regulus scoffed. "He's an idiot."

"Well, he's an idiot who's going to be sorry." Severus grumbled. He still stung from the encounter. 

"Later." Ian stood up, a bit jerkily. Ian was rather odd. "Gotta go. Detention. Filch."

"Yeah, I have one with McGonagall." Regulus rolled his eyes. "I didn't *mean* to turn Lucy's paper weight into a scorpion…it was a complete accident…"

The two wandered off, leaving Evan and Severus alone to finish their studying. Evan hummed quietly as he thumbed through his notes, every now and again glancing over at Severus from the corner of his eye.

"What?" 

"Nothing." Evan shook his head, but Severus glared at him. "All right…do you want to tell me what else happened this morning?"

"Nothing *else* happened." The black haired Slytherin shrugged.

"So what's bugging you?" Damn Evan, who knew him too well.

"Black. He's gone too far."

"Because he….?"

"Threw out a string of derogatory comments concerning my sexuality." 

"Ah." Evan nodded, and Severus sighed. 

"He stopped as soon as his little pack showed up. I suppose even *they* have limits."

"Not 'they'." Evan argued. "Lupin."

"Lupin?" Severus raised an eyebrow. Yes, the mangy mutt did seem the least offensive of them.

"Oh come on…you have to have noticed. Lupin's a little…" Evan made a small waggling gesture with his hand.

"Oh?" No, Severus hadn't noticed. But Remus Lupin's sexuality really wasn't much of a concern. 

"Yeah. He's cute, I guess."

"He is as cute as a wild dog with rabies." Severus' voice was stern, and he leveled a rather cold stare at Evan.

"Hey, calm down. I didn't say I fancied him or anything, I just said he was a bit cute. In a stray dog sort of way, that's all."

"You're mad." Severus looked back to his book. "And I don't want to discuss this anymore."

"Okay."

Severus did *not* like the sound of that okay. It was drawn out, as though Evan didn't really believe what he was saying. He frowned, but said nothing. Evan had mostly likely been spending too much time alone with Ian.

***

Nothing more was said of Black or his Gryffindor posse, until of course it was time to trip him and shred his potions homework. The task was easier said then done, as it was rather hard to get Black alone. Evan offered his services as decoy, and Severus made certain he kicked Black. Hard. It felt good, in a very childish sense, to kick him when he was down.

Idly, Severus wondered what Evan's *diversion* was.

**** 

"Lupin! Can I talk to you a minute?"

Evan grabbed the Gryffindor's sleeve as he was coming out of Herbology, pulling him a little ways away from his friends. They received some dark looks from Potter, who made as though to come between them.

"Why?" Lupin asked, holding himself away from Evan.

"I just want to ask you something, honest." He held up his hands in a peaceful gesture. "You know I don't have any problems you."

"No. But you often find reasons to have problems with my friends."

"Your friends, not you." Evan reminded. "Just…come on, it'll hardly take any time at all."

"All right." Lupin nodded, and gave Potter some sort of Gryffindor eye signal that said everything was all right. The other boy nodded stiffly, and began walking away. Slowly.

"Uh…" Now Evan wasn't entirely certain what to do. It had seemed like a brilliant plan at two am in the morning.

"Yes? I really have to get to class…"

"I know, I know." Evan ran a hand through his curly, copper colored hair. "Hey…uh…what do you think of Severus?"

"Pardon?"

"Sev." Evan shrugged. "Severus Snape. What do you think of him?"

"I…I don't know. I don't, generally." Lupin looked quite perplexed. This was getting nowhere.

"Well, do you think he's good looking?"

"Excuse me?!?" There was outrage in that question.

"Simple question, Lupin, not advanced transfiguration. Do you think he's good looking?"

"Why?" Lupin's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"It's just a question!"

"Who put you up to this?"

"No one." Evan shook his head. "I swear to you on the name of my House, no one put me up to this, nor will I tell anyone what you say to me. Want me to bleed on it? I will."

"No. No, that's all right. Er…" Lupin frowned, but at least he didn't look angry anymore. "Do I think he's attractive? Severus?"

"I think we've established that's my first question."

"Yes." Lupin sighed. "I suppose."

"You suppose you think he's good looking?"

"Well, yes. I mean…he doesn't exactly send me into fits of passion, but he's not *ugly*."

"You're not seeming very convincing here." The Slytherin rolled his eyes. 

"You really caught me off guard." Lupin explained. "Yes. I think he's good looking."

"Okay, great. Would you ever, I dunno, think of…maybe going out with him sometime?"

"You've hit your head haven't you?" Lupin asked, folding his arms a bit protectively over his chest. 

"No. Just answer the question. Would you ever go out with him?"

"I…I have no idea." Lupin looked shocked. "I mean, I imagine, in certain circumstances…."

"Really? Good."

"Good? May I ask why this is 'good'?" Lupin raked some of his hair out of his eyes.

"Oh, it's just that he fancies you. Shit, we've got to get to class…talk to you later, Lupin!"

***

Severus was drained and feeling a bit ill. Quidditch practice did that to him. Evan was a hard coach who pushed his team as far as he could. Even in the rain.

"Damn good show out there!" Evan said, clapping Severus on the shoulder as they headed into the showers. 

"Mmm."

"Hey, Sev…wanna talk to you for a minute."

"Oh?" Severus had the oddest feeling he didn't want to talk to Evan. At least not about whatever he had in mind.

"Hang back after showering, okay?"

Severus just raised an eyebrow. What was Evan going on about now? He had a habit of getting rather idiotic ideas stuck in his head. And of course thought they were brilliant, which they weren't. The black haired Slytherin had a feeling he'd be treated to another shortly.

After he had finished showering, he took his time getting dressed. Evan ambled over, and sat down next to him, straddling the bench and grinning amiably.

"So…" Evan said, his voice nonchalant. "I talked to Lupin today."

"And you're telling me this…?"

"We talked about you."

"What?" That was *not* what Severus expected or *wanted* to hear.

"Yeah. I guess he fancies you or something…"

"What?!?" He had to hold himself back from launching himself at Evan and strangling him.

"What?" Evan shrugged. "It's no big deal…"

"Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind?"

"No." Evan sighed and rolled his eyes. "Anyway, he asked me what his chances with you were…."

"And you told him they were infinitesimal, I hope?"

"Maybe…"

"What?!?"

"He's cute!" Evan protested. Severus had had just about enough.

"He is not cute!" He was a deranged animal. 

"He's cute, and he likes you, and you've been single way too long." Evan pointed out. "Your options are limited. You've got me. We're best friends, it wouldn't work. You've got Reg who's been 'secretly' drooling over you since last year. He's not your type. You've got Lupin, who *is* your type and who fancies you. So really, your options are one."

"I have no interest in Lupin!"

"Yes you do."

"I do not!" Severus snapped, rising quickly and stalking out of the locker room. Where did Evan get that idea? Yes, Lupin was the one of them he hated the least. But he still hated him. Good lord, the man had almost killed him! Fine, perhaps he was mildly attractive, in an inoffensive manner. But that was all. 

Severus resolved he was not going to speak to Evan for the rest of the day.

***

Remus Lupin was still mildly confused over the odd conversation he'd had with Evan Rosier the day before. Severus *fancied* him? How in the world had that happened? Considering that Remus was closest friends with the people that made Severus' life a pure misery. Was Evan having him on, maybe? But he wasn't the type. He certainly wasn't above vengeance, but he never initiated anything. He needed to speak with him at length, which was why he was hanging about the Slytherin dungeons. 

"Lupin?"

"Oh? Oh!" It was Severus. Looking at him very oddly.

"What are you doing here?" Severus asked, looking about as panicked as Remus could ever remember seeing him. What did he say? He didn't want him knowing he'd spoken to Evan…

"I…er…I'm…just…" He couldn't think of a clever lie quickly. "Extra credit with Prof. Mugwort." He said, wincing at how pathetic it sounded.

"Oh."

There was an awkward pause where they both just stared at each other, warily. Remus felt a bit naked under the intensity of Severus' stare. //He does fancy me…//

"His office is back there." Severus pointed out.

"Is it?" Remus winced again. He sounded like a fool. "I…er…must have gotten lost."

"You must have." Severus' voice was flat. "You're by yourself."

"Yes." Remus nodded. 

"In the Slytherin Dungeons."

Yes, it was rather stupid of him. But he hadn't been thinking very clearly. 

"Er…." 

"If Regulus found you, you'd be prying your teeth out of the cracks in the wall."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

Another awkward silence. 

"I…er….better be going then." Remus said, and he turned quickly and hurried *away* from Severus. That had been odd. Severus fancied him. No wonder he'd been so stilted and panicked. But Remus had no idea what to think about that. He supposed he'd just wait and see what happened.

***

Merlin, that had been horrible. Severus had froze. Obviously Lupin had been waiting for him. Because Evan had given him delusional, false hope. He stood there, staring after the werewolf with a slightly stunned expression.

"Sev? You look awful."

"Oh. Ian." Severus turned, shaking himself. "No…Lupin."

"And?"

"He was here." Severus said, frowning.

"Oh?"

"Alone. I think he was looking for me." Severus gave a small shudder.

"Why?"

"Evan seems to think he fancies me." The black haired Slytherin explained.

"Ha!" Ian gave a barking laugh. "Mad. Total madness."

"No." Severus shook his head. "He acted…it was quite disquieting." 

"Not bad." Ian shrugged. "If you like the type."

"I don't. I hate them all."

"Keep telling yourself." Ian slunk by him. "Gonna be studying."

Severus just nodded. Did *everyone* think Lupin was appealing? He wasn't. He was scrawny and hunted looking, and…and…well. Yes, he did have a certain appeal. But that was all, it was purely physical and base, nothing more. 

Absolutely nothing more.

***

Evan heard about the little incident in the hallway. He decided he'd probably done enough for the moment, he'd let things take their own course. But…well, no he needed to lay off for a minute. Both of them thought the other fancied him. Evan was rather certain that they'd begin to fancy each other in earnest soon…

***

Remus couldn't take this anymore. He needed to talk to Severus. Their encounter had been bothering him since it happened. He needed to clear this up.

Severus would be coming back from his Transfiguration tutoring. Remus made his excuses to his friends-who were starting to get concerned-and went to wait for him. Which was probably another stupid thing to do. He just hoped no one had followed him. Sirius sometimes got a bit overprotective.

"Lupin."

"Hello." Remus offered a smile to Severus. What was he going to say? What *could* he say? He frowned, and glanced down. "Er…we need to talk."

"No." Severus said, shaking his head emphatically. "We don't."

"I really think we should. Er…Evan and I spoke…"

"I know."

"Oh."

Well, this was awkward. Remus sighed. He really didn't know what to say. He had never had to deal with anything like this before. And Severus really wasn't that bad. He was just quiet and introverted. And very scholastic. And he was rather attractive…

"Severus…" He tried again, looking up.

"Lupin, please. Just….leave it alone."

"I thought perhaps we could talk about it?" Remus asked, licking his lips nervously.

"There's nothing to talk about." Severus insisted.

"But there really is…" 

"Lupin…"

This was going horribly. 

"Look." Remus said, patiently. "I…er…"

"You really don't have to explain." Severus held up his hand, to stall Remus.

"I rather would…"

***

Severus did not want to be dealing with this. Why did Lupin want to talk about it? Why did the dratted animal have to confess his feelings now?

"Lupin." Severus clenched his teeth. "I don't wish to discuss it. I would like very much to forget all about it."

"Oh." Lupin sounded so crushed. Damn him.

"I just…our friends, Lupin." Severus explained, haltingly. "It. It wouldn't work."

"Well." Lupin was chewing on his bottom lip. That was quite fetching, really. Damn! He shouldn't be thinking of the werewolf as fetching!

"Please let it go." Severus said softly.

"Are you….are you sure you want to?" There was a very odd note in Lupin's voice.

"I…" Suddenly, Severus didn't know what to do. Evan had made a painfully accurate summarization of Severus' dating pool. It consisted of Lupin.

"Because you don't sound all that sure." The werewolf pointed out.

"I am thinking!" Severus snapped.

"Sorry." Lupin folded his hands and looked down at the ground. It could never work between them. Black would kill him ten times over, and Regulus would use Lupin's head as a Quaffle. 

"The ever popular Black brothers would never allow it." Severus said, as gently as he could.

"Sirius and his brother? I'm sure I can…I…nothing was ever *agreed* to…"

"No!" Severus snapped. "No. I just…if anything were possibly to be agreed upon, it shouldn't be and that's why." At least he had a *reason* for rejecting Lupin. 

"*If* we were to come to any sort of agreement, I could handle Sirius." Lupin said, primly. Then he flushed. "I…er…wouldn't tell him."

"I suppose that would work." Severus shrugged. He'd just tell Regulus to deal with it. If anything happened. Which it wouldn't. 

"We'd have to meet in secret."

"We would." Severus nodded. "But there's plenty of unused rooms around the school."

"There are." Lupin agreed. 

"And we *are* prefects. We could easily meet in the Prefects' bathroom." Severus pointed out. He wondered when he'd agreed to actually *meet* Lupin anywhere.

"That would work well, actually." Lupin agreed avidly. "Wait…are you asking me out?"

"I don't think so." Severus blanched. "Are you asking me?"

"I hadn't intended to." Lupin frowned. "Did it seem like I did?"

"It did." Severus nodded. Had it seemed like *he* asked *him* out?

"Er…I suppose…it wouldn't hurt to *try*." Lupin offered. Try. Try what, exactly? But he supposed the Gryffindor had a point. It couldn't *hurt*. A date. One date.

"One date." Severus said, jaw rigid.

***

"One date." Remus agreed nodding. What could one date hurt? Really, Severus wasn't bad at all. He was shy, really. It was actually somewhat cute.

"Fine." Severus was acting as though Remus was pulling his teeth to get him to agree. Yes, he had a point about Sirius and his younger brother, but really. He'd just keep things quiet, until he though Sirius was able to handle it. Sirius had been amazingly calm about his preference for boys, he'd learn to live with this too. 

He gave a small smile. He was rather glad Evan had said something to him. He certainly wouldn't have considered Severus on his own. But who knew? Maybe things would work out.

He'd have to thank Evan.

***

"I have to go." Severus said, brushing by Lupin. He felt a hand on his arm, and paused as Lupin kissed his cheek briefly. That hadn't been bad. He turned his head and just looked at the Gryffindor, before nodding. He really didn't know what else to do.

"Shall I meet you tonight?" Remus asked. Yes, he supposed Lupin was Remus now. Yes, they'd meet. He was already unhealthily attracted to the other boy.

"Prefects' bathroom. Midnight." Severus said, before walking as quickly as he could back to his dorm. 

He was going to *kill* Evan.

~Fin~


End file.
